Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
