is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
