we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize