A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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