she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
