Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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