I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
