So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize