Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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