Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
