I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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