Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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