forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
