idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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