hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
