This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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