You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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