By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize