Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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