My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
