Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
