you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
