I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
