Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
