Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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