There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you win again, gameday.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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