apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need moral support for this bender
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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