I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
