That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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