So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
