At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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