Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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