if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
