I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
