I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
