Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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