just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize