Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
