It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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