Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
