i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
