my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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