what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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