i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
smell my finger.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
