i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize