hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
