glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
