I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have already put on my inside pants.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
