I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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