i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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