I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize