Define "chronic" masturbator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
