one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
