it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
