the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
