I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize