Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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