I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
