trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
