I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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