Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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