My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
