i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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