She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
