Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
