he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
