Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
