yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
