I cannot find my penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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