I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
