Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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