Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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